Mindfulness: calming the waters of our mind

So this morning I was out walking with our puppies. I love doing an early mindful walk where I try to focus on sounds. It was beautiful and the birds were happily singing. The morning still held the cool and the moisture of the previous evening’s thunderstorm. It was an ideal summer morning in Colorado.

As we’re walking, we peacefully pass several bikers, moving out of the way for most of them because the path varies between being wide and narrow. I’m a biker as well as hiker, and I always appreciate when hikers move out of the way, so I do the same for other bikers. But there is something as an avid outdoors person that I am very aware of: everyone yields to horses, and bikers are supposed to yield to hikers, NOT the other way around. This fact doesn’t generally impact me as a hiker, because if it’s easy for me to do so I’m happy to slip off a narrow trail to permit a biker to pass. As a biker I approach people slowly. If it’s a difficult spot I’ll stop and ask them to please go ahead and walk by while I wait. If I’m coming up behind I’ll do the same and ask if I can slide by them when it’s a good spot.

So… I’m peacefully doing a mindful walk and I see a biker coming my way. The trail is at least 6 feet wide and the biker has plenty of room to pass while I walk. Yet, what comes out of this guy’s mouth is a sarcastic, ‘Thanks for moving… asshole’ as he passes me.

NOW I AM TRIGGERED! I quickly spin in my tracks as he continues down the downhill path and respond, ‘HEY, hikers actually have the right of way, NOT BIKERS, ASSHOLE!’ His friend passes me with plenty of room and says, ‘good morning’ in a slightly timid manner at this point. I respond with a slightly tense ‘good morning.’

I can feel my whole body responding. I have instantly shifted from a relaxed, calm, peaceful state of being into a tense, angry, defensive stance. TRIGGERED.

We can trigger at any moment of any day. The problem with all triggers is that they often come at us almost completely unexpectedly. At times we can see them coming but not always. The more mindful we are the easier it is to catch ourselves before we’re completely flooded or to keep ourselves from continuing to flood. (Flooded is a term used for a state of mind where chemicals have literally flooded our cortex and make clear thinking difficult, i.e. our cortex gets shut down. If we can stop ourselves from continuing to flood there’s still about an 18 minute window of time needed for the chemicals to clear our brain.).

On this day the peace and tranquility of my morning was suddenly shattered. It took me the rest of my hike to try to get my focus back (my brain/body had flooded), and stop thinking about all the rules of the trail, how I had the right of way, how there was plenty of room for him to pass, how in spite of this he called me an asshole for failing to step off the trail when I had the right of way… all these thoughts came incessantly to mind because of my trigger, and I now had to work to regain control over my thoughts, feelings, and body.

All of us have triggers. They can occur in moments like this, or in conversations and moments with friends, family, and lovers. Triggers and impulsive responses are responsible for so many things from hurtful words to impulsive crimes. We enter a moment, something triggers us, and we then have to battle our response. The more mindful we are of what’s happening, the more power we have to reverse what’s occurred.

Mindfulness creates a space between an interaction, like the biker’s words to me as he passed, and our response. If we are awake and present we get to choose whether we react or not, and if we choose to respond how to do so. Whether you approve of my response or not is not why I’m revealing it, it’s simply a moment that stands out in my life this day as a moment of choice.

In every moment of every day we always have a choice. We can choose to be silent or speak, to respond with no boundary or boundaries, with emotions or flat affect, etc. Every moment accumulates to then build the patterns of our lives. And if we want to truly get unstuck, to change, to grow, we need to acknowledge that every moment matters. Choosing to practice mindfulness, so we can respond mindfully in any given moment of life, is one of the best things we can do for ourselves and those we love. If you’re stuck in a pattern of life or just stuck in general, try practicing mindfulness. There are some great apps to get you started on this, see for example calm.com. If you'd like to explore this further, please don't hesitate to contact me about mindfulness coaching.