Relational Coaching

beginnings…

While most people seek relational coaching for intimate relationships, it can be useful for any relationship, e.g. friendships, parent-child, coworkers, etc. When we begin a relationship whether in marriage, or as partners or friends we tend to have lots of hope. This hope is valid, it’s like planting flowers and waiting for them to grow. However, we all carry a past into our relationships, and thus our brains have been set up by previous attachments, wounds, expectations, joys… seeking coaching at this stage of relationship is preventative work. It’s creating a space to explore dynamics as they unfold instead of waiting until they’re full blown and carry lots of emotional baggage. This kind of work is simply doing the watering and tending of the garden to promote the fullest expression of the beauty that can unfold, pulling the weeds as they come in. It’s a rare thing when people seek preventative coaching. Think of it as becoming as mindful as possible about a specific area of life.

After time and damage…

Sadly, most of us don’t seek help at the beginning in pulling relational weeds. Fights and woundings ensue over time. If we carry skills with us from previous relationships we can communicate well, empathize, and do the necessary work to strengthen our attachments, but most of us grew up in imperfect environments with our own unique strengths and weaknesses. At this stage, coaching can explore these strengths and help us apply them, as well as understand triggers and work to mindfully counter them. In learning to create an open, nonjudgmental space for ourselves and each other, we can embrace the reality of the one(s) we love as well as our own experience. Learning to see, hear, and feel where each other comes from creates the kind of space necessary for reconnecting. Coaching can help get us there.

Exploring The layers…pursuing the beauty

Relational coaching can contain many layers because we are complex human beings. We have personalities that cause us to relate differently to our environments and the events we experience. We have narratives that develop which either help or hinder us. We have neural networks formed from our first to most recent experiences in this world. We have varying levels of mindful awareness, some being hyperaware of everything in and around them, and others being more or less asleep. We also have varying levels of rigidity and flexibility in our brains due to our upbringings, and various bodily responses to stress. The good news is that we can be coached through all these areas to become more mindful of ourselves, our triggers, our stories… discovering the beauty in all the layers of our lives, and how each layer can enrich our intimacy, connection, and attachment.